Humortråden
- Trådstarter Stipey
- Opprettet
- Medlem
- 25. nov. 2008
- Innlegg
- 3.339
MANS LAW
1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.
2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:
(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
(b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
(c) After wrecking your boss' car.
(d) When she is using her teeth.
3: Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his buddies.
4: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.
5: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry her.
6: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.
7: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is
strictly optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boy's choice.
8: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.
9: When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.
10: You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.
11: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless model and only when it's free.
12: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.
13: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.
14: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.
15: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.
16: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.
17: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.
18: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that's just greedy.
19: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.
20: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, except if she's withholding sex pending your response.
21: Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting weights:
(a) Yeah, Baby, Push it!
(b) C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
(c) Another set and we can hit the showers!
22: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: i.e., both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other
situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.
23: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.
24: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend" have carnal, drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was occurs.
25: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.
26: Thou shalt not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime green, orange or sky blue.
27: The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an Xbox. End of story.
28: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics. Ever.
We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition of each is listed below.
"GUTS" is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to say, "are you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?"
"BALLS" is coming home late after a night out with the guys smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the ass and having the balls to say, "You're next."
1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.
2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:
(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
(b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
(c) After wrecking your boss' car.
(d) When she is using her teeth.
3: Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his buddies.
4: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.
5: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry her.
6: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.
7: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is
strictly optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boy's choice.
8: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.
9: When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.
10: You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.
11: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless model and only when it's free.
12: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.
13: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.
14: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.
15: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.
16: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.
17: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.
18: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that's just greedy.
19: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.
20: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, except if she's withholding sex pending your response.
21: Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting weights:
(a) Yeah, Baby, Push it!
(b) C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
(c) Another set and we can hit the showers!
22: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: i.e., both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other
situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.
23: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.
24: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend" have carnal, drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was occurs.
25: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.
26: Thou shalt not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime green, orange or sky blue.
27: The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an Xbox. End of story.
28: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics. Ever.
We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition of each is listed below.
"GUTS" is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to say, "are you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?"
"BALLS" is coming home late after a night out with the guys smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the ass and having the balls to say, "You're next."
- Medlem
- 18. sep. 2009
- Innlegg
- 3.635
- Medlem
- 25. nov. 2008
- Innlegg
- 3.339
Hjølpes. Jeg er glad jeg slipper å lage samtykkekontraktene til deltakerne i det programmet.
Gammel, men fremdeles morsom:
ANNOUNCEMENT
The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats and have therefore raised their security level from
"Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.
The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get the Bastards." They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.
The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France 's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.
Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels
remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."
The Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbor" and "Lose."
Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels .
The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.
Australia , meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be alright, Mate." Three more escalation levels remain: "Crikey,!" "I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend" and "The barbie is cancelled." So far no situation has ever warranted use of the final escalation level.
Gammel, men fremdeles morsom:
ANNOUNCEMENT
The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats and have therefore raised their security level from
"Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.
The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get the Bastards." They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.
The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France 's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.
Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels
remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."
The Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbor" and "Lose."
Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels .
The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.
Australia , meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be alright, Mate." Three more escalation levels remain: "Crikey,!" "I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend" and "The barbie is cancelled." So far no situation has ever warranted use of the final escalation level.
- Medlem
- 25. nov. 2008
- Innlegg
- 3.339
Filmer som dette blir jeg aldri lei av 
[video=youtube;4tl-XXu7QXI]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4tl-XXu7QXI&feature=mfu_in_order&list=UL[/video]
Ellers er denne helt fantastisk
[video=youtube;MTn1v5TGK_w]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MTn1v5TGK_w[/video]
[video=youtube;4tl-XXu7QXI]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4tl-XXu7QXI&feature=mfu_in_order&list=UL[/video]
Ellers er denne helt fantastisk
[video=youtube;MTn1v5TGK_w]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MTn1v5TGK_w[/video]
Attn: Konsernsjefen - og god helg
Endelig!! Nå er det min tur til å gjøre en "kule"!!!! Eller..... (skjønner egentlig ikke bæra jeg...) Følgende mail mottatt i dag. Noen som vil være med?
Oversettelsen er bare hysterisk morsom!!!!!
....
Attn: Konsernsjefen
Hilsener,
Haster telegrafi / Swift Overdragelse av: USD $ 35,000,000.00 (Tretti fem
millioner amerikanske dollar Only)
Jeg er Mr. Chan Wong, Group Managing Director (GMD) / Styreformann Gjeld
Avstemming Utvalget Hong Kong Highways Department (HKHD), jeg fikk din
kontakt fra hele verden database og gule sider encyclopedia etter nøye
vurdering å tro at du er høyt respektert personlighet. Selv om, jeg vet
ikke i hvilken grad du er kjent med hendelser, derfor jeg kontakte deg.
For det første må jeg be din strengeste tillit til denne transaksjonen,
og dette er i kraft av sin art som helt fortrolig og "TOP SECRET" med stor
styrke med en ventende transaksjon krever maksimal tillit, er jeg sikker
på og har tillit til din evne og pålitelighet å straffeforfølge denne
flotte transaksjonen. Den nye regjeringen har i hovedsak mandat meg å
vurdere og kompensere alle entreprenører utestående forfalte betalinger
på kontrakter tildelt siden mai 1998 til, juni 2009, under regimer av
tidligere stats.
Henholdsvis, var i mai 2001, en kontrakt verdt USD 285,000,000.00 $ (to
hundre og åtti-fem millioner amerikanske dollar Only) tildelt til et
utenlandsk selskap ved Hong Kong Highways Department (HKHD) for vedlikehold
av Highway Structures i Hong Kong Island, Kowloon og nye Territories
2002-2005. I bevisst over-fakturert kontrakten med USD $ 35,000,000.00
(Tretti fem millioner amerikanske dollar Only). Egentlig selskapet som
utførte kontraktene er fullt betalt og prosjekter ferdigstilt og offisielt
oppdrag.
Derfor, på grunn epigrammatic beslutning om å omdefinere utestående
betalingen Jeg presentere deg som mottaker som vil presentere original
faktura for å søke på nytt, og å erstatte den utenlandske selskap som
ved sin presentasjon til Central Bank of Hong Kong (CBHK) den angitte
bankkontoen vil bli kreditert betingelsesløst. Ved mottak av din
umiddelbare respons, skal vi diskutere obligatoriske modaliteter. Jeg har
alle nødvendige dokumenter / godkjenninger for å sikre overføringen i
din favør.
Notat som en obligatorisk, ønsker jeg å gjøre de avklaringer som
følger: Det vil du ha rett til å dele 45% av den totale midlene. Dommerne
50%, mens 5% vil bli satt til side for å pådra seg noen lokale og
utenlandske tilfeldige utgifter. Jeg derfor be om maksimal bistand og
godkjenninger for å lette overføringen av de ovennevnte midlene fra
Central Bank of Hong Kong (CBHK), der disse midlene er avsatt.
Ved bekreftelse av din vilje til å utføre denne flotte transaksjonen med
meg, vil du bli sterkt behov for å innrede selskaper brevet brevpapir
signert og stemplet, private telefon-og faksnummer, bankens navn og
adresse, bedriftens bankkontonummer og en skannet kopi av din
identifikasjon.
I konklusjonen, garanterer jeg at denne operasjonen vil bli behandlet under
en lovlig ordning som vil beskytte oss mot eventuelle brudd på loven.
Vennligst ta notat, Im utenfor Hong Kong i dag på grunn av presserende
internasjonal konferanse i London, og jeg ønsker å sikre at alle
nødvendige forberedelser er gjort mens jeg er borte fra mitt land. Jeg vil
at du skal straks beskjed om din interesse til meg så jeg kan komme i
kontakt med deg mens jeg er i Storbritannia, og få nødvendig informasjon
for å få fondet overført til deg. Så kan du kontakte meg på denne
private e-posten for nærmere informasjon angående dette forslaget.
Beste hilsen,
Mr. Chan Wong
Hong Kong Highways Institutt HKHD
Endelig!! Nå er det min tur til å gjøre en "kule"!!!! Eller..... (skjønner egentlig ikke bæra jeg...) Følgende mail mottatt i dag. Noen som vil være med?
Oversettelsen er bare hysterisk morsom!!!!!
....
Attn: Konsernsjefen
Hilsener,
Haster telegrafi / Swift Overdragelse av: USD $ 35,000,000.00 (Tretti fem
millioner amerikanske dollar Only)
Jeg er Mr. Chan Wong, Group Managing Director (GMD) / Styreformann Gjeld
Avstemming Utvalget Hong Kong Highways Department (HKHD), jeg fikk din
kontakt fra hele verden database og gule sider encyclopedia etter nøye
vurdering å tro at du er høyt respektert personlighet. Selv om, jeg vet
ikke i hvilken grad du er kjent med hendelser, derfor jeg kontakte deg.
For det første må jeg be din strengeste tillit til denne transaksjonen,
og dette er i kraft av sin art som helt fortrolig og "TOP SECRET" med stor
styrke med en ventende transaksjon krever maksimal tillit, er jeg sikker
på og har tillit til din evne og pålitelighet å straffeforfølge denne
flotte transaksjonen. Den nye regjeringen har i hovedsak mandat meg å
vurdere og kompensere alle entreprenører utestående forfalte betalinger
på kontrakter tildelt siden mai 1998 til, juni 2009, under regimer av
tidligere stats.
Henholdsvis, var i mai 2001, en kontrakt verdt USD 285,000,000.00 $ (to
hundre og åtti-fem millioner amerikanske dollar Only) tildelt til et
utenlandsk selskap ved Hong Kong Highways Department (HKHD) for vedlikehold
av Highway Structures i Hong Kong Island, Kowloon og nye Territories
2002-2005. I bevisst over-fakturert kontrakten med USD $ 35,000,000.00
(Tretti fem millioner amerikanske dollar Only). Egentlig selskapet som
utførte kontraktene er fullt betalt og prosjekter ferdigstilt og offisielt
oppdrag.
Derfor, på grunn epigrammatic beslutning om å omdefinere utestående
betalingen Jeg presentere deg som mottaker som vil presentere original
faktura for å søke på nytt, og å erstatte den utenlandske selskap som
ved sin presentasjon til Central Bank of Hong Kong (CBHK) den angitte
bankkontoen vil bli kreditert betingelsesløst. Ved mottak av din
umiddelbare respons, skal vi diskutere obligatoriske modaliteter. Jeg har
alle nødvendige dokumenter / godkjenninger for å sikre overføringen i
din favør.
Notat som en obligatorisk, ønsker jeg å gjøre de avklaringer som
følger: Det vil du ha rett til å dele 45% av den totale midlene. Dommerne
50%, mens 5% vil bli satt til side for å pådra seg noen lokale og
utenlandske tilfeldige utgifter. Jeg derfor be om maksimal bistand og
godkjenninger for å lette overføringen av de ovennevnte midlene fra
Central Bank of Hong Kong (CBHK), der disse midlene er avsatt.
Ved bekreftelse av din vilje til å utføre denne flotte transaksjonen med
meg, vil du bli sterkt behov for å innrede selskaper brevet brevpapir
signert og stemplet, private telefon-og faksnummer, bankens navn og
adresse, bedriftens bankkontonummer og en skannet kopi av din
identifikasjon.
I konklusjonen, garanterer jeg at denne operasjonen vil bli behandlet under
en lovlig ordning som vil beskytte oss mot eventuelle brudd på loven.
Vennligst ta notat, Im utenfor Hong Kong i dag på grunn av presserende
internasjonal konferanse i London, og jeg ønsker å sikre at alle
nødvendige forberedelser er gjort mens jeg er borte fra mitt land. Jeg vil
at du skal straks beskjed om din interesse til meg så jeg kan komme i
kontakt med deg mens jeg er i Storbritannia, og få nødvendig informasjon
for å få fondet overført til deg. Så kan du kontakte meg på denne
private e-posten for nærmere informasjon angående dette forslaget.
Beste hilsen,
Mr. Chan Wong
Hong Kong Highways Institutt HKHD
Huffameg- har visst ikke vært tydelig på at jeg forstår at dette er et svindelforsøk.... For å fjerne ALL tvil: Dette er et kjent svindelforsøk (Såkalt Nigeriasvindel).
Det er likevel ganske morsomt når oversettelsen er så dårlig, at det ikke gir noen sammenheng. Tror jeg må be min advokat se på saken og oppklare hva denne Wong egentlig tilbyr (fleip altså!! )
Joda, du var mer enn nok tydelig. Jeg forstod godt at du tok dette som humor, hvilket det er! Beklger om jeg ikke gjorde min ironi tydelig nok
Ha en fin helg, kos deg med pengene
Joda, du var mer enn nok tydelig. Jeg forstod godt at du tok dette som humor, hvilket det er! Beklger om jeg ikke gjorde min ironi tydelig nok
Ha en fin helg, kos deg med pengene
...og som du ser- jeg editerte min melding da jeg forstod din ironi
Jeg er trønder, og det er fredag - ikke den kjappeste komboen 
[video=youtube;vtyAVFeVKhA]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vtyAVFeVKhA&feature=related[/video]
[video=youtube;W49zdVqyMcY]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W49zdVqyMcY&feature=related[/video]
[video=youtube;hZ7Ye01v-TQ]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hZ7Ye01v-TQ&feature=related[/video]
God Helg !
[video=youtube;W49zdVqyMcY]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W49zdVqyMcY&feature=related[/video]
[video=youtube;hZ7Ye01v-TQ]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hZ7Ye01v-TQ&feature=related[/video]
God Helg !